November 2005 Archives
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Bytes #2
November 30, 2005 link category: bytes
comments: 1
Still Christmas Shopping, are we?
Teleblaster 1.0 - Ok, it's a funkily shaped television, and it apparently can warp/weft the image any way you like... We just have one question. Can we watch frigging television on it?
Swedish FireSteel - Practicality aside, this just has an excessively cool name. It's a portable spark-maker, because you so often find yourself having to build a fire in the break room to reheat the coffee...? Ohh, this must be for those odd people who go out and deliberately sleep in the woods. Strange behavior...what do you call it? Lamping? No...camping! Freaks.
Tea Spoon - Part tea ball, part, er, spoon, this widget allows you to steep and stir your tea at the same time. Well, we think it's handy.
Modern Umbrella Stand - While our own home is an eclectic mix of contemporary and retro 50s, we experience an almost visceral reaction to sleek, modern shapes, which we wholly blame on our college graphic design professor.
Check out the rest of the 2modern site for more mod goodness.
Foto of the day: motorcycle reflection
Belike and Lookee!
November 29, 2005 link category: Teh Cool
Oh yes, Mister Factoids is going to LOVE this:
Skull and crossbones hand towels...coolness that transcends such minor considerations as "decor" or "good taste". We'll take one of each, yes.
Link credit: design*sponge
Cult of Accessory
November 29, 2005 link category: Stare
comments: 1
We here at Factoids are increasingly dismayed at the ever-expanding array of CRAP available for the care and feeding of your various portable electronica. The iPod is, of course, the biggest culprit, featuring such head-scratching addons as this thousand dollar massage chair, into which you can lowjack and presumably vegetate until potatoes can be harvested from the gratuitous alliteration alert flab of your flaccid flesh.
If you ask us, he looks a little TOO happy.
And this perplexing little rubber suit into which you can slot your iPod and swallows convulsively play with it.
This is what we've come to? The anthropomorphism of our widgets? Are we truly that bored??
See Exhibit B, a beanbag chair for your wait for it cellphone.
Now, we're all for organization, but a comfy cushy chair for your cellphone? We, ourselves, could count the times our cellphone has complained about it's aching feet on exactly NO hands...
All that said, we heartily congratulate the designers of such absurd devices for their unwavering faith in the gullibility of the average consumer. Well done!
Foto of the day: sinuous
Going Wireless
November 28, 2005 link category: Teh Cool
comments: 5
As intellectual sans pretention as we fancy ourselves to be, from time to time our lizard brains dig their claws into our forebrains and shriek SHINY at the top of their metaphorical lungs. With these lurvely solar-powered, install-anywhere tiles, NOW is such a time:
Make no mistake, the potential for serious embarrassment to your neighbors is infinite...note the Saturday Night Fever-esque color scheme available
. Let's all avoid that, shall we, and go instead for a more Logan's Run sort of future-cool look scroll to the bottom. Think of the children, won't you?
Foto of the day: bicycle parking
Run, Run for your life
November 27, 2005 link category: tmi
It may just be us, but we're pretty sure that this morning's horrific dream of being chased by Tyrannosaurus Rexes and Velociraptors has everything in the world to do with the fact that we were guests of Walt Disney yesterday.
Happy Turkey-Eating Day
November 22, 2005 link category: tmi
Because, let's face it, that's what it really is. Celebrate the annihilation of an indigenous culture by religious fruitbats so chock full 'o nuts they were booted out of ENGLAND, fer crissakes? Hells, no, let's just stuff ourselves and watch football instead!
Here at Factoids Central, the menu goes thusly:
Turkey (brined for 12 hours)
Spiral sliced ham (brown sugar and raisin glaze)
Cornbread dressing (Southern style, but hold the oysters)
Smashed potatoes (yukon golds, of course)
Fried Corn (fried in bacon grease, thankyew)
Green Bean Casserole (who knows, my brother is making it *shudder*)
Cranberry Compote (fresh cranberries only)
Parmesan Crisps (Parmigiano-Reggiano, not that canned crap)
Carrot slaw (I'm terrified...hold me)
Mother's Yeast Rolls (she'd tell you, but then she'd have to kill you)
And for dessert:
No-Bake Chocolate Cheesecakes (tastes like actual Heaven according to one impartial judge)
Million Dollar Pie (scammed from Cool Whip labels for over 30 years now)
Pecan Pie (pecans and a crapload of dark corn syrup)
Sugar Cookies (made by children!)
No, you can't come. Actual recipes provided upon gently-phrased and downright obsequious request.
Details
November 18, 2005 link category: Stare
comments: 4
If you're going to run a gossip rag, or any sort of web-based publication, there are really a great many spell-checking options available to you. Some hints, from your friends at Factoids:
Someone doesn't "brake" their neck.
Neither does someone "peak" through someone else's window.
We're fairly sure no one has ever "collaberated".
We can't help but notice you're selling ads on your site. Dast we suggest you might could bump that asking price a wee smidge should you bother to look like you actually give a snot about what you're doing there.
Bytes #1
November 18, 2005 link category: bytes
Since this is the only kind of quickie we're likely to get today...
Sin City Theme Restaurant - Yes, we'd give actual money to schlep through the creeping horror that is Basin City, but only if we could LEAVE. And take Gail
and Lucille
with us. Rrowr.
IDT Plans Hellboy Cartoon - With no previous exposure to Hellboy, we thoroughly enjoyed 2004's feature film, and the sarcastic / jaded titular character. He spoke directly to the armor-clad not because we are emotionally vulnerable but because we were born in Hell that way demon in all of us.
We wholeheartedly approve of the inclusion of COLOR in household goods of late. Yes, all our kitchen appliances are black but that is hardly the point, now is it. Some of our favorites:
Typhoon's entire line of kitchen accessories.
The entire line of FrancisFrancis! espresso machines
Go nuts, scare the neighbors.
Ranting with Bob
November 18, 2005 link category: Teh Cool
comments: 1
As far as gimmicks go, it's pretty gimmicky, nevertheless, our favorite thing on the ENTIRE PLANET is Drinking With Bob.
Now we don't know if Bob actually drinks, but he certainly rants, and at the top of his Brooklyn-y / Bronx-y / some-borough-y lungs, and usually on a topic near and dear to our black, little hearts.
Factoids favorites:
Angelina Jolie. From where I'm standing, she doesn't like American kids!!!
Terrell Owens is an idiot, because of YOU!!!
Bono nominated for Nobel Peace Prize. Oprah for President. We are a country of Morons!!!
A heavy post-rant sight to you, too, Bob.
Thanks to In-Sect for reminding us of Bob's existence.
Foto of the day: white ibis
Waste of carbon
November 17, 2005 link category: Stare
Haute couture? This must be some application of the phrase previously unknown to us.
Press a button and some of the diamonds magically change color, illuminating the time in scintillating red diamond digital...
Thank you, we think we'll pass. There's a fine line between avant garde or even the merely interesting and just plain gaudy. This thing takes that line, twists it into a hideously complicated bow, and firmly attaches it to it's ass.
Foto of the day: fall
Made in the shade
November 15, 2005 link category: Technojoy
It is no small wonder that since the arrival of the new baby, we've spent the GNP of a miniscule country on appropriate accessories. The original package came with a handydandy plastic snap-on LCD monitor protector...which if you do not already have, walk NAY, RUN out and get one rightnow. But being the gadget geeks that we so vividly are, we saw this pretty and a spindly thread of drool escaped our trembling lips:
This lovely not only protects your delicate LCD screen from those unseemly face-prints, but also functions as a sunshade so you don't have to do the "lookit what I just shot, honeee...you know, despite the arc-welder-esque glare out here" dance with your long-suffering spousal unit.
They have a SNAP-ON version, as well, but being the point-and-shoot kind of shoppers that we are, we discovered this a wee smidge too late, so we'll give Señor Sticky a swing and see how he plays. If plunking down the scratch to buy this rhino in the first place didn't break us, twenty smackers to test out this baby shouldn't cause the rationing of the morning gruel to commence. We hope, anyway.
Overheard
November 15, 2005 link category: Eh?
comments: 2
Mrs Factoids: "...and he has this Indian accent..."
Factoids Scion the Younger: "An Indian accident?"
Factoids Scion the Elder: "No, an Indian ACCENT. An Indian accident would be if you walked into a buffalo."
Think before you type
November 15, 2005 link category: Office Space
Resellers continue to be the bane of our existence. Observe this comment accompanying a new order today:
I supported one of my customers hosted by you so hope to receive continued good service.
Now, perhaps we're just grumpy today, but that really is simply insulting. The level of service you are provided does not depend on anything at all except these two facts; A) we know that customer service from hosting companies is a rare and precious thing, and B) we kind of want to stay in business.
Email, despite it's ease of use well, for SOME and quick delivery, is really the worst sort of communication tool. Nuance and tone-of-voice are completely lost, turning what might have been a completely innocent sort-of compliment into a whingy bleat that pierces our left frontal lobe with a white hot splinter of indignation.
Nichtmar
November 15, 2005 link category: Eh?
Last e'en we dreamed our coffee filters were all too small for our beloved Hamilton Beach BrewStation. We're not sure if this indicates some obscure Freudian inadequacy or that we should quel horreur! be drinking less coffee. Either way, we don't like it.
Code-orrhoid
November 13, 2005 link category: htmHELL
comments: 3
It is an eternal wonderment to us that more programmers do not experience the fundamental snap that leads to high powered rifles, clock towers, and police negotiators.
Upon additional ponderance, we remember that the majority of homicides are perpetrated by someone who actually knew the victim.
We further acknowledge that programmers are, by definition, geeks with little to naught social circle.
So, nevermind then.
Your lovely lady what?
November 13, 2005 link category: Stare
After witnessing the Black Eyed Peas performance at the Euro MTV Awards, we can honestly say they both frighten and confuse us.
Ruby Doobie Doo
November 11, 2005 link category: Office Space
Dear Linux,
If it is a required dependency, why are you asking if we'd like to install it? If we do not, wouldn't that be oh, I dunno BAD?
Love,
Factoids
Photoshop Beauty
November 10, 2005 link category: Stare
comments: 2
This retouching gallery from Conrad Digital features some really spectacular digital editing work...yet is also extraordinarily depressing. Take the first comparative image, for instance... Click the large image to open the popup, then mouseover for before/after. Go on, we'll wait.
Back? Good. Note how in the "before" picture there's a perfectly normal woman, nice clean skin, nose that might have been broken once in a particularly frenetic game of field hockey, neatly plucked eyebrows, etc. and so on. In the "after" picture exists a plasticine simulacrum unseen outside of, well, magazine ads. Her skin is now bronzy and without variation. Her nose is now flat and could have been carved of clay. Her eyebrows and eyelashes have not one single hair out of place. She's gone from living breathing woman to idealized Barbie, and it is just depressing.
Intellectually we realize this is all propaganda, the idealized woman is displayed in an effort to get us to purchase that particular entity's products, so we can look exactly the same. Er, if the alleged example of the product's effectiveness is a Photoshopped wonder and we KNOW this then how in the name of short, fat ponies can we be expected to believe it works?
We can see doing some editing if, for example, the hack photographer has not properly lit the subject, if the background color needs altering, even if the pain in the ass client wants more sodding hair added. But really, what is gained by taking a perfectly good model and UNrealizing her? For part of the population, this will result in those creeping inadequate thoughts. For the rest of us, just an overweening cynicism.
It's simple manipulation, and the entire goal is to increase the bottom line. The problem lies in so many not being able to suss that out, in not realizing that the ideal has been manufactured, that it's neverever found in the wild, and no matter how much scratch is dropped on their products, will neverever be reproduced.
Update: Dear gods, they've moved her entire EYEBALL!!
Ok, this one is just false advertising. The jacket clearly does not lie flat across the stomach as they have indicated here, but rather bunches as LEATHER WITH A BUTTON IN IT is wont to do. Jeez.
Link credit: I Like Cameras
Timetable
November 10, 2005 link category: Teh Cool
comments: 3
We are devout disciples of über-chef Alton Brown, wholeheartedly subscribing to his two favorite mantras, "Organization shall set you free," and "Everything must multi-task." To that end, imagine our delight to clap eyes on this beauty in the Flax catalog is anyone else freaking DROWNING in catalogs right now?? yesterday:
So, as this shall function in our abode as an end-tably sort of thing, it will both hold your drink, and be large enough to read when you've had a few too many. Keen!
Le sigh
November 09, 2005 link category: Office Space
Customer: I paid my domain registration invoice almost two months after it was generated, yet it hasn't been renewed in the five days since I paid it. I demand a credit on my account for those five days.
Tech Support: (does math) No problem, sir, a credit of 98 cents has been added to your account.
Share Time
November 09, 2005 link category: tmi
comments: 1
Mrs. Factoids is not a girly girl. She rarely wears makeup, dresses up only when necessary or when a *coff* costume is required, and neverever wears any sort of nylony-thing. But when it comes to handbags, Mrs. Factoids veers perilously near fashionista territory. Oh, we're not talking foolishness like this, or this, or even this. *shudder*
No, we're talking leather. Good, strong, sturdily constructed leather...because at any given time, Mrs. Factoids is schlepping around whatever book she's reading, a notebook, her Sidekick II, a knife, an address book, and a token makeup bag. So, when Mrs. Factoids spotted this beauty, her Day was Made:
Purrr. Large enough to swing a cat in no, not really, and sturdy enough to put the beatdown on a perp yes, really, this bag is the wonderfulest. It even has dedicated pen loops on one side so there's no unseemly rooting about in the bottom come exorbitant credit slip signing time. Huzzah!
Morans
November 08, 2005 link category: Office Space
Dear Resellers,
We hate you.
Love,
Factoids
We Fear Change
November 08, 2005 link category: Stare
To the young gentleman at school who opened our car door this morning to let the children out:
Yes, we have suicide doors. Yes, they are unusual. Yes, if you have not seen them before, they can be tricky to open. Yes, you have to close the back one before you can close the front one. NO, IT IS NOT WEIRD, NOR IS IT TO BE SNEERED AT, JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH IN YOUR SHORT, SHORT LITTLE LIFE.
Ten years old and already intolerant of new ideas. Your parents must be so very proud.
Too Stupid to Rate a Title
November 07, 2005 link category: Stare
comments: 1
Should we run across anyone walking around with this crotch billboard affixed to their groinal area, we shall take it as our sacred duty to punch said person straight in the 'nads.
You can depend on us.
Spell with Flickr
November 07, 2005 link category: Technojoy
Yes, we're idiots, yes we signed up for a Flickr account over the weekend due in small part to that honcho of the newest kid on the block telling us how much better it is over their own product. Nice one! ANYWAY. Here's this very nifty widget, Spell with Flickr.
Link credit: Neatorama
Dessert as oracular device
November 06, 2005 link category: Eh?
comments: 1
We wonder...is there any correllation between the number of couples who smash wedding cake into each others faces, and the divorce rate of said couples? We have a theory it indicates a fundamental lack of respect between the wed-ees, are curious if it is borne out by statistics. Or, you know, not.
Drool Redux
November 05, 2005 link category: Teh Cool
comments: 2
We actually bought this one...
...instead of this one.
Or did she
November 05, 2005 link category: Debunk
We are told by a source who should know that the scene in the film Jarhead, wherein the entire platoon witnesses a buddy's wife announce their impending divorce via pornographic/adulterous video tape, is one of the largest urban legends in the entire history of the military.
We're just sayin'.
Straight Baggin'
November 04, 2005 link category: Technojoy
comments: 1
Per the post below, all hands stand down. We've found the Canon 200DG gadget bag...
...which will suit our widdle NIkon just fine, won't it pumpkins.
Er, sorry.
Attention
November 04, 2005 link category: Stare
If something is "smooth", "unmarked" or "free of hassle", it is "SEAMLESS". As in "without seam". Not bloody "seemless". If it were "without seem" then presumably it'd be non-existent, or at least invisible.
Use your heads.
News Flash
November 04, 2005 link category: Office Space
Every single server on the face of the planet has, at times, issues. And here's a little secret for you...they are almost always caused by the users on that server. Either through stupidity or ignorance or a particularly pathetic combination of both one user with a vestigial knowledge of perl, php, mysql, you name it, can bring a dual xeon hyperthreaded box the Mack truck of servers to it's cyber knees.
Were it not for the bloody users, we'd all be happy happy admins.
So, knowing the above, we really find it quite insulting not to mention irritating like that last DiCaprio movie that you the culpable users say things like, "You guys are great but this repeated trouble is causing me to worry". Worry, my dear banana? One of the longest running and most stable hosting companies on record, and you say this "third time in a month or so" is causing you worry? Out. Of. The. Boat.
Accessorizing
November 03, 2005 link category: Technojoy
comments: 1
After wresting the new baby from the clutches of the inordinately rule-bound delivery service yesterday, we have begun the search for an appropriate carrying case. Background data: the package we purchased included an inferior small-ish bag that wouldn't hold the thing sans-lens much less with accoutrements and a hard-case. The latter will be delightful for long-term storage but a tad pretentious at the little league game. Hence, the search.
Amazon yielded this beauty:
But, crime in Italy, we're not stalking wildebeest in the veldt, we're taking the occasional artsy fartsy composition piece, and tons of pictures of our kids, cats and that chocolate lump of stupidity currently masquerading as a Labrador Retriever. So, yes, $200 for a camera bag when you could have, oh say, a new lens instead is just not on.
Any recommendations? We're schlepping around several lenses at any given time, along with extra batteries/flash cards, so our needs are not large. Ideally, we'd like something that does not require unloading the entire bag to reach a single item, but realize that the words "useful" and "design" are rarely found in harmonic convergence.
Speaking of...we've run up a little gallery for the D70 pics, over here at Fabrica Imago
Le Bummer
November 03, 2005 link category: Stare
Shots fired as French riots escalate
Youths rampaged in nine poor suburbs north and east of Paris, home to North African and black African minorities frustrated at their failure to get jobs or recognition in French society, leaving a trail of destruction behind them.
Does it strike anyone else as ironic that the precious "recognition" these imbeciles are so keen on will likely now occur only in a courtroom or a morgue? Then again, this is France we're speaking of, Land of Appeasement. We just find it amusing that such an enlightened society can even have something as bourgeois as civil unrest. Quel horreur!
Believe in Something
November 02, 2005 link category: Stare
comments: 1
In case you were not previously notified, one of our favorite authors is Kage Baker. Her Company series is some of the best sci-fi in production today. We recently finished the novella The Empress of Mars, and were slightly revolted to read the following in the postscript:
I distrust soldiers. I distrust nations, patriots and anyone willing to sacrifice human lives for a political theory.
Urk. We so hate learning anything personal about the performers paid to entertain us. It is invariably a huge disappointment. But the problem with arguing something like this, at least with the opinion-holdee, is the definitions are slippery.
Still, she vexed us into a headache.
Cerebral analgesic is had at the hands of one Spider Robinson, during our recent re-reading of Time Travelers Strictly Cash, specifically the loving ode to Robert Anson Heinlein, Rah, Rah, R.A.H.:
Patriotism does not mean that you think your country is perfect, or blameless, or even particularly likeable on balance; nor does it mean that you serve it blindly, go where it tells you and kill whom it tells you to kill. It means you are committed to keeping it alive and making it better, that you will do whatever seems necessary (up to and including dying) to protect it, whenever you, personally, perceive a mortal threat to it, military or otherwise.
Right on, mad hippie brother.
Just READ It, Would You?
November 01, 2005 link category: Office Space
comments: 4
Is the email account created? Well, we don't know idiot, DID YOU CREATE IT?
The control panel it not difficult to use, it has options like MAIL MANAGER and even MANAGE/ADD/REMOVE ACCOUNTS. The presence of those tells us something...it tells us that we might just might be able to manage, or add, or remove an email account should we click on that link.
And thanks for leaping directly to the conclusion that you are limited somehow in the amount of customer service you are allowed each month. A truly mind-boggling assumption on your part. We are wholly in favor of such a motion, truth be told, as some of you have more issues than a West Virginia commune.
Not Flickr
November 01, 2005 link category: Teh Cool
comments: 1
For those of you, like we here at Factoids, who shall not be drawn in by the whole Flickr thing primarily because so many others feel it to be the shiznit we present the goodness that is BubbleShare. Slideshows, albums, drag and drop arranging, etc. etc. Go, shoo, play.
We'll definitely have to see what the new baby thinks of this.
Via Solution Watch
It's not me, it's you
November 01, 2005 link category: Office Space
comments: 2
"It would help if you included the domain name in these emails as I have several domains hosted by your company."
Pay attention to the HEY, STUPID, YOUR CREDIT CARD HAS EXPIRED notices and you won't even receive such emails, eh? There's no off button on the genius switch.
The Stork Cometh
November 01, 2005 link category: Technojoy
Today, we anxiously await the arrival of our new baby. No, no, not the homo sapien kind that particular side street was blocked off years ago, but rather fabrica imago, subclass D-70.
Yes, we know it either roolz or droolz, depending on your affiliation. Much like the war between Mac and Windoze users, everyone has a favorite...and so do we. IT IS strangely enough THE D-70. So kindly do not bother telling us how wrong we've gone, how our souls are blackened beyond redemption they are, but for other reasons, or how we have the taste and style of a pair of leprous wild boars.
We shall very much <3 our new baby hug it squeeze it call it George, and make sure it has all the toys it's widdle heart desires.
