Happy Turkey-Eating Day

November 22, 2005 category: tmi

Because, let's face it, that's what it really is. Celebrate the annihilation of an indigenous culture by religious fruitbats so chock full 'o nuts they were booted out of ENGLAND, fer crissakes? Hells, no, let's just stuff ourselves and watch football instead!

Here at Factoids Central, the menu goes thusly:

Turkey (brined for 12 hours)
Spiral sliced ham (brown sugar and raisin glaze)
Cornbread dressing (Southern style, but hold the oysters)
Smashed potatoes (yukon golds, of course)
Fried Corn (fried in bacon grease, thankyew)
Green Bean Casserole (who knows, my brother is making it *shudder*)
Cranberry Compote (fresh cranberries only)
Parmesan Crisps (Parmigiano-Reggiano, not that canned crap)
Carrot slaw (I'm terrified...hold me)
Mother's Yeast Rolls (she'd tell you, but then she'd have to kill you)

And for dessert:

No-Bake Chocolate Cheesecakes (tastes like actual Heaven according to one impartial judge)
Million Dollar Pie (scammed from Cool Whip labels for over 30 years now)
Pecan Pie (pecans and a crapload of dark corn syrup)
Sugar Cookies (made by children!)

No, you can't come. Actual recipes provided upon gently-phrased and downright obsequious request.