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Putting the Cock Back in Cocktail

April 10, 2006     category: Stare

We regrettably do not recall where we first saw this, but we think that's probably a good thing, as the amount of scorn we intend to heap on the following item can cause third degree burns if there's any spillover.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what you get when far too many ad execs stay up far too late doing far too much blow:


This is DIAKA Vodka. Vodka from Poland. Vodka that apparenly has crystals aka. "diamonds" fused into the bottle.

Sadly, we must quote the press release:

The new company's first product launch through its TransBorder Spirits USA subsidiary will be vodka imported from Poland which utilizes an industry first patented diamond filtration process. The process utilizes nearly one hundred diamonds of up to one carat in size, and results in a Vodka with unsurpassed clarity and smoothness

Now, we don't know about you people, but last we heard the act of "filtration" consisted of passing one thing through another, the end result of said action being the removal of impurities. What we'd like to ask these bright boys, is how exactly they believe they've managed to get their hooch through one of the hardest substances in the world. Aren't they just instead creating an illusion of exclusivity by claiming this dubious process seriously, try moving water through glass some time to dress up some low-rent Polish snort, and trying to pass it off as the Thing To Buy When You've Already Bought Everything Plus Liberia?

Yes, we think they are, as further evidenced by this sorry additional quote:

The Vodka lover continues to demonstrate a willingness to pay for quality. DIAKA(TM) reflects a lifestyle shared by the cognoscenti of style, entertainment and the arts. It is truly Fashion You Can Drink(TM).

Yep, faaar too much blow.


I love the Poles. I love vodka even more. So it hurts to say that this idea is ghetto...

Rudolph Carrera   ·  May 18, 2006 02:19 AM

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