Factoids
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Meeting Minutes

April 06, 2006     category: Stare

Dear World,

We here are Factoids would like to make some requests. And feel free to interpret the word "requests" as "demands." We also have some comments. Feel free to interpret those as "demands" as well.

  1. Stop calling your computer a "puter". You are not seven and that is not cute.
  2. Our cable internet service must never, ever again lunch itself. AOL dial-up is a hell reserved for those who abandon kittens.
  3. cPanel must get it's head out of it's collective ass. There are other server management options out there, you know.
  4. You, the person who sends in a new order when all you really want to do is upgrade...stop adding extra work to our day, you're pissing us off.
  5. Replying to your pending ticket with the word "bump", is likely to get our boots "bumped" up against your ass. Today, Pumpkin, is not the day for such shenanigans.

And now, the comments:

  1. If you foray to our abode at our request in order to present us with a quote for your services, being as insulting as humanly possible is not the very bestest way to persuade us to view your proposal with anything resembling favor. In other words, yes, you great steaming pile of knowitallness, you do indeed see rosemary, thyme and basil there among the herb pots. If you don't know what they look like in the first place, why in the name of little green tree frogs, would you say you don't see them sitting there? Here's a tip, Poppet...your condescending attitude just lost you the job. And I shall be certain to inform everyone to avoid your place of employ, whenever they should enquire as to the actual do-er of said work. Who is not you. </Mojo Jojo>
  2. If you, as an insultingly skinny mother of three, are going to muscle your way into the position of Team Mom for a Little League team, then you bloody well had better call every one of the parents when they are due to schlep their children 15 miles down the road from the site of the usual activities, to the alternate field. Your condescending attitude towards every other parent on the team has made YOU the pariah, not the other way around, Princess.

And now, a bonus observation:

Why is it that words that begin with the letter P are so deuced useful during the snark process?

And now, back to your regularly scheduled tense silence.

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